Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
the liver wants what the liver wants
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
