when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
As shirtless as possible
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
