I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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