I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
