Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
