So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
