Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I'm just crazy horny about you
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
