I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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