He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
My breasts were aching with rage.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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