Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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