Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
