my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
