I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
