So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Randomize
