How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
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