I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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