OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
