the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Are my feet made of real feet?
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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