I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
