His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
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