That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Randomize
