I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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