So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
