im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
