The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
