my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Randomize
