I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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