i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
