mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Randomize
