i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
