The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I stole a fireplace last night.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Randomize
