its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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