Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Randomize
