hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
