I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
