i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
ok first of all what the fuck
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