There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
