At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I wish you could order shots online.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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