the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
You can't just leave with hair like that
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Randomize