Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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