Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
