I will die if light touches me.
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
