One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
