We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
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