dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Randomize
