DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
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