You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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