You really coming over, don't trick.
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
This can only be settled by a dance off.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
