Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
