Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
