I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
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