Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
