Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
You are the jesus of drinking
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