Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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