OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Randomize
