Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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