I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
