you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
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