i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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