i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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