im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
