Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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