glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
