i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
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