Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
