how hairy? two words: wookie tits
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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